What Would Tex Ritter Do?

Grampy telling me what happens next...

I went over to Grampy's trailer park tonight to check up on him. He had minor surgery on his feet a week and a half ago and I go over to make sure he's taking his medicine then I soak his feet in epsom salts and change his bandages. While his feet are soaking we watch Spaghetti Westerns on the TV. He's seen every western movie out there half a dozen times and feels it his duty to let me know what I've missed and what will happen next. “Don't think that red headed woman is going to be OK” he'll say to me, narrowing his eyes at me to make sure I understand the gravity of the situation. “She'll get shot dead once they get the horses around that big rock.” Then, sure enough, BAM she get's shot. “Happens every time” he says, shaking his head.

His Favorite Shows

He has a remote control but his TV is permanently tuned to 570   the Western Channel. With over 900 channels available on the satellite, he's scared spitless that if he changes the station he'll never find his way back to The Western Channel and that would be a complete disaster. He was wondering out loud if they had finally put some Chuck Norris shows on the Western Channel. “Dad” I said “That would go against everything that Roy Rogers and Gene Autrey stood and fought for. You are either a White Man or an Indian if you're on this channel. Black Belt Karate-Jujitsu Fighters would stand out like a yellow polka dot bikini on Miss Kitty. It just wouldn't work”. He seemed so disappointed that I took the remote and did the unthinkable. I changed the channel...and found Walker Texas Ranger on another channel—308. Lo and behold they were having a marathon of Walker Texas Ranger! I hit the jackpot. “Look, dad! There's Chuck Norris over here on 308! And it's ALL DAY!” Grampy looked real nervous when I did that. He moved to the edge of his seat and I saw a tiny bit of saliva escaping from the corner of his mouth as he looked, horrified at the new channel on the screen. His right eye began to twitch. Alarmed, I quickly turned the channel back to The Good, The Bad and The Ugly on 570. The sight of Clint Eastwood quickly brought Grampy back around and I could almost feel his heart rate slowing down again as he settled back into his recliner, slowly exhaling.

I got up and made another pot of weak coffee and poured him a cup to distract him. Handing it to him, I steeled myself for a ranting diatribe of the Western Channel's one shortcoming...no Walker Texas Ranger. “What?” he said when I brought it up “Oh. Chuck Norris. Yeah I like him. I wonder if they have Walker Texas Ranger on the Western Channel yet”. “No” I simply sighed. “No dad, they don't.”